I had great desires to be happy and I looked for happiness on all sides. I thought about being very rich, but I saw that the rich, overnight, become poor. And although sometimes this does not happen, we see that on one side riches reign and, on the other, poverty of affection and union reigns. I sought happiness in the possession of the affection of an accomplished young man, but the mere thought that he might, one day, not love me with the same enthusiasm or that he might die leaving me alone in the struggles of life made me reject the idea of getting married to be happy. No. This doesn’t satisfy me. For me, happiness is not there. So, I asked myself, where can I find it? I understood that I was not born for the things of earth but for those of eternity. Why deny it any longer? My heart only rested in God. With him, my soul felt fully satisfied, so that I desire nothing else in this world than to belong to him completely.

Dad, dearest, I am aware of the great favor that God has given me. I am the most unworthy of his children and yet the infinite love of God has crossed the immense abyss which intervenes between him and his poor creature. He came down to me to raise me to the dignity of a wife. Who am I if not a poor creature? But he didn’t look at my misery. In his infinite goodness and despite my baseness, he loved me with an infinite love. Yes, little daddy. I have only found eternal love in God alone. With what to thank him? How can we pay for it if not with love? Who can love me more than Our Lord who is infinite and immutable? You, little daddy, you will ask me since when I have been thinking all this. And I will tell you everything so that you see that no one influenced me.
From my childhood, I loved the Blessed Virgin very much, to whom I confided all my troubles. I opened myself up to her alone and I never had pain or joy without confiding them to her. She responded to this affection. She protected me and always listened to what I asked her. She taught me to love Our Lord. She planted the seed of vocation in my soul. However, without understanding the grace she granted me and without even worrying about it, I let myself be adored and had as much fun as possible. But when I had appendicitis and found myself very ill, I thought about what life was like and, one day, when I was alone in my room, bored of being in bed, I heard the voice of the Sacred Heart which asked me to be entirely His. I don’t believe it was an illusion because I was transformed in that very moment. She who sought the love of creatures desired only that of God. Illuminated by grace from above, I understood that the world was too small for my immortal soul, that only the infinite could satisfy me, because the world and everything it contains is limited, whereas, my soul being for God, I would not tire of loving and contemplating him since in him the horizons are infinite.

How can I doubt my vocation when, although I am seriously ill and on the verge of death, I do not doubt or desire anything else? As you can see, little daddy, no one influenced me because I never told anyone and I always tried very carefully to hide it.
I do not know how I can thank Our Lord, as I must, for this great favor, because being omnipotent, omnipotent, needing no one, he is concerned to love me and to choose me to do me his wife. Can you imagine to what dignity he raises me? To be the wife of the King of heaven and earth, of the Lord of lords? Ah! dad, how to pay it back? Furthermore, he takes me out of the world where there are so many dangers for souls, where the waters of corruption flood everything, to make me dwell near the tabernacle where he dwells. If an enemy called me to grant me such a great good, would I not be right to follow him immediately? But he is not an enemy, he is our best friend and our greatest benefactor. It is God himself who deigns to call me so that I surrender myself to him. How can I not hasten to make the total offering so as not to keep him waiting? Little daddy, I have already given myself up and I am ready to follow him wherever he wants. Can I be suspicious and fear when He is the way, the truth and the life?
Despite everything, I depend on you, dear dad. So you must also give to me. Since you did not refuse Lucía to Chiro, because your heart is too generous, I cannot doubt that you will give me your consent so that I am of God, while from the yes of your father’s heart must spring the source of happiness for your poor daughter. No. I know you; you are incapable of refusing it to me because I know that you have never refused a sacrifice for the happiness of your children. I understand what this will cost you. For a father, there is nothing dearer on earth than his children. However, little daddy, it is Our Lord who calls for me. Can you refuse me when he, on the cross, was unable to refuse me a single drop of his divine blood? It is the Virgin, your perpetual Help, who asks you for a daughter to make her the wife of her adored Son. Can you refuse me?

Believe me, little daddy, that everything I tell you tears my heart. You know me well and you know that I am incapable of voluntarily causing suffering. But, although the heart bleeds, we must follow the voice of God: we must abandon these beings to whom the soul is intimately linked to go and remain with the God of love who knows how to reward the lightest sacrifice. How much more will he reward the great?

Your daughter must leave you, but consider that it is not for a man, but for God. I would not have done it for anyone, but for him who has an absolute right over us. It must be a consolation to you that it is not for a man. After God, you and Mom will be the beings I cherish most on earth.

Also think that life is so short and that after this painful existence we will find ourselves together for eternity. This is why I will go to Carmel: to ensure my salvation and that of all mine. Your Carmelite daughter will always watch at the foot of the altar for her loved ones who devote themselves to the thousand concerns necessary to live in the world. The Blessed Virgin wanted me to belong to this order of Carmel because it was the first community to pay homage and honor her. She never fails to favor her Carmelite daughters. So that, little daddy, your daughter has chosen the best part. I will be all for God and he will be all for me. There will be no separation between you and your daughter. Beings who love each other never separate. This is why, little daddy, when you devote yourself to the hard work in the fields; when, tired of so many sacrifices, you feel pain and loneliness, without having anything to rest, when you feel faint, then it will be enough for you to transport yourself to the foot of the altar. There you will find your daughter who, also alone, before the divine Prisoner, will raise her suppliant voice to ask him to accept your sacrifice and also his own so that, in return, he will give you courage and valor in your sorrows and consolation in pain. How can he remain deaf to the supplication of one who has abandoned everything and who, in her poverty, has no one else to turn to? No, little dad, God is generous, especially since the constancy of my uninterrupted prayer must lead him to crown your sacrifices. Mom and the brothers will have someone who constantly raises ardent supplications for them; someone who loves them deeply and who perpetually immolates and sacrifices himself in the interest of their souls and their bodies. Yes, I want, in my convent, to be the tutelary angel of the family. Although I am unworthy, I know it, I hope to be because I will always be united with the Almighty.
Little daddy, don’t deny me your permission. The Most Holy Virgin will be my advocate. She will be able to make you understand better than me that the life of prayer and penance that I wish to embrace contains, for me, all the ideal of happiness in this life, and it assures me of life in eternity.
I understand that the whole of society will disapprove of my resolution but it is because its eyes are closed to the light of faith. The souls we call “unhappy” are the only ones who flatter themselves that they are happy because they find everything in God. There is still horrible suffering in the world. No one can sincerely say, “I am happy.” » But if we enter the cloisters, from each cell spring these words which are sincere because they would not change for the world their solitude and the kind of life they have embraced. The proof is that they stay in convents forever. And we understand this since everything in the world is selfishness, inconstancy and hypocrisy. You have experience, little daddy. What better thing can we hope for from such miserable creatures?
Give me your consent soon, dear little daddy. “He who gives quickly, gives twice. » Be generous with God who will give you his reward in this life and in the next, and do not force me to go out into the world. I know very well this life which leaves a void in the soul that nothing can fill except God. It often leaves one feeling remorseful. Do not expose me to corruption such as that currently reigning. My resolution is made. Even if the most advantageous option is presented to me, I will refuse it. Who can we compare to God? Person. I must quickly consecrate myself to God before the world can defile me. Little daddy, will you deny me permission for May? It is true that there is little time left, but I will pray to God and the Blessed Virgin that they give you the strength to say yes to me which will make me happy. You have often said that you would not refuse your permission because having a religious daughter would give you much consolation.
The convent I chose is in Los Andes. This is the one that God designated to me because I had never known any Carmelite. I can assure you that no one put this idea into my head and that I am not acting on an impression. God wanted it; may his adorable will be accomplished.
I await your response with anxiety. Until then I ask Our Lord and the Most Holy Virgin to help you make your sacrifice, since without them I would not have had the courage sufficient to separate myself from you.

Receive a thousand kisses from your daughter who loves you the most. I embrace you.
Juana.